Archive | March 2014

YOU BROKE ME

Funny how easy it is for people to notice when you stop taking in the bullshit they throw at you day in day out. They always assume you will always be there patiently waiting for the breadcrumbs they call love. You love them even when they are pretty nasty to you. You hold on to the little they offer while giving them your all oh and when your friends are on your case as to why you are selling yourself cheap, you jump in to make excuses for them.

you_broke_me_by_rangerzdk

Sucks that you never saw all that I did for you, sucks that you broke my heart over and over and over again, sucks that I took you back each time you realized the grass wasn’t all that greener, sucks that I believed each time will be different or better, sucks that I was just an option to you, pretty much  sucks that I wasted so much time building my life around you but you know what, it sucks to be you right now.

You say I have changed, You say I don’t care any more, you say am more than cold and indifferent when it comes to you and that you wish I could go back to the way I was. But I don’t want to be a fool…never again.

You made me this way. I was so optimistic about everything, I loved and I gave love but you made me build this walls to guard my heart, you made me wary of everyone even the ones with good intentions, you made me shy away back to my cocoon, you condemned me to a lifetime of picking up the little pieces that you tumbled on each time you broke my heart to oblivion. It will never be perfect but I will painfully mend my broken heart, I will tirelessly pick up the pieces and smile even though it hurts so freaking bad…I will smile because as much as you broke me, it sure sucks to be youimagesg

CHECKING IN

At the university, International students are required to check – in every week so that it can go into record that they are attending their classes. I have nothing against checking in because it makes sure that students are where they are supposed to be as they are being sponsored by the  university to be in the country but whenever I think about it, I also think about how we are expected to sign in in relationships.

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How many have tried ending a conversation with their partners without an I love you? It is like opening a can of worms because how dare you? Don’t you know you have to profess your love as many times as possible?It doesn’t matter how swamped you are at work or at home taking care of the children, text lovey- dovey messages in between changing the diapers and trying to calm a child crying their lungs off, don’t forget the food in the pan is almost burning but no you have to check in otherwise…they will think you are cheating.

Personally I find it demanding and tiring. Some of you may disagree and say that when you truly love someone you need to declare your love for them as much as possible. Why don’t you just take a pillow and smother me instead. I know that is harsh but just the idea of checking in every few seconds sickens me.

This kills spontaneity that keeps relationships interesting as you can set your clock to your partner’s behavior.  I on the other hand prefer finding little notes and actions  when I least expect it.

I am a sucker for the unknown and trying to figure out what he will do next makes me love him even more

DO YOU SPEAK AFRICAN?

Since I came to the UK, there is one question people ask and I am still trying to find a more appropriate and polite way to answer them.

images53 countries and nearly 2000 languages so no AFRICA is not a country nor is it a language.

“So Brenda, do you speak AFRICAN?” , they always ask. Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? Who the hell speaks African? I was never a history class lover but I at least know that Africa is a frigging continent and not a country. Luckily some already know that and they cockily ask if i speak Kenyan instead!!! OH DEAR

Sometimes I find it hilarious and sometimes it pisses me off without a doubt. Kenyans do not speak Kenyan nor do they speak African; none of these two is a language.  They speak their own different mother tongues, not all actually as some find mother tongue too ‘archaic’, they speak Swahili and English which are both the National languages so yeah we can actually speak the queen’s language even though we may sound ‘funny’ to you.

You should see the way my friend beams when he tells me how much he thinks my accent is cute. Whenever he tells me this, I smile with a coy and remind him how LUDICROUS I find his.

We are all different and unique in our own ways and it never helps when we stupidly group people because we think we know better. My English friend has still not gotten over the ‘amazing’ facts that as much we are black, we actually come from different regions and that we do not speak one language nor eat the same foods as he had postulated.If you do not know, ask politely – we do not bite…much