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MI CORAZON

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MI CORAZON

Putting words on paper

Has always been second nature

But with you and a future

So strong, true not obscure

To lose is despair.

 

I want to profess

You and I, perfect mess

You treat me like a princess

But expect less

And for that I obsess.

 

I am but a plain Jane

With a heart tearstained

But with every beat

To you to be true

Never to make you blue.

 

In your arms, I am safe

In your thoughts, I reside

In your heart, I am home

In your actions, I reflect

By your side, I reign.

 

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IN HER SHADOWS

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Do you see her when you look at me?

Do you wish it were her arms around you when I hold you?

Do you hate my voice and wish you had a mute button

Or that it were hers you hear instead of mine?

Do you close your eyes and wish she were next to you

every time you turn and it is just me laying beside you?

 

When we go out, do you relive your dates with her?

Is your favourite restaurant actually hers

and that you only take me there wishing you will bump into her?

Or do we sit at her favourite table by the window 

and you spend the whole night remembering the times she were there?

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Do you tell me jokes you used to tell her

and when I don’t laugh like she used to, do you get sad?

Do you call me names you used to call her

and silently moan her name when we make love?

Do you wish I were good a kisser like her

and that I would touch you in ways that only she did?

 

Do you like my hair straight

Or did you tell me to do it like so because it’s how she liked hers?

Do you not introduce me to your friends

because I’m not as worthy as her?

Do you wish she would take you back?

 

It should be me putting that sexy smile on your beautiful face

It should be me you think of me when you are lonesome

It should be me who drives you crazy because I give you good loving

It should be me you look at and see a future

It should be me as…as it sucks to always be in her shadows

 

FINDING ME AGAIN

 

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Today I packed my bags

And no, I was not going for holiday

Although I wish I were

As it had been a while since we went for a holiday

I could not wait for you to come back

Because one look at you would have made me crawl back

 

I packed everything, everything except two things

That big teddy bear that you brought home

Am sure most girls would cry buckets of joy

When they are offered those cuddly fluffy things

But not me, I always felt like choking it or cutting it into pieces

 

The other thing I didn’t pack was the house keys

When we moved into that lovely house and made it a home

It was the best feeling, a feeling of new beginnings

And we took every second to make it better

But it was time to leave all that behind

And leaving the keys meant I wasn’t coming back

 

I am so sorry if my departure will leave you distraught

But I lost myself in you as time passed by

Everything revolved around you

And it was about time I found me again

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HER DEMONS

She curled up in her bed, her tiny knees up on her chin. She held herself so tight trying to stop the tears from wetting her pillow but the more she tried to stop the more she cried a river. Looking at her, I ached to pick her up and assure her that she will be just fine. I desperately wanted to tell her that the pain will go away…not just yet but eventually though.

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She was just a child, young and innocent with the whole world before her. Just like every little girl, her world was full of happiness and she took in everything with a keen look. She led a colorful life full of laughter and hope but he took all that away from her. How could he? How could he defile such a delicate flower? She tried to call out, she screamed her lungs soar for someone… anyone to come to her rescue but no one did, no one could hear her.

He tore into her insides while her little hands tried with no avail to push his body away. The more she fought the more he laughed hysterically while saying how much he loved the feisty ones! Poor little girl, the pain…oh the pain. It shot throughout her numbing every sense but pain. The excruciating pain grew with each and every passing second that he crushed her. She literally begged death to come. She just wanted to die as she could not take the pain anymore.

She cried and begged. “Oh God please please please help me” , she willed. She lost consciousness as her frail little body gave up on her and when she regained consciousness, he hurt her over and over and over again.

It was like a nightmare that had come to life and it still haunts her to date. Maybe one day she will be free but for now she battles her demons

YOU BROKE ME

Funny how easy it is for people to notice when you stop taking in the bullshit they throw at you day in day out. They always assume you will always be there patiently waiting for the breadcrumbs they call love. You love them even when they are pretty nasty to you. You hold on to the little they offer while giving them your all oh and when your friends are on your case as to why you are selling yourself cheap, you jump in to make excuses for them.

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Sucks that you never saw all that I did for you, sucks that you broke my heart over and over and over again, sucks that I took you back each time you realized the grass wasn’t all that greener, sucks that I believed each time will be different or better, sucks that I was just an option to you, pretty much  sucks that I wasted so much time building my life around you but you know what, it sucks to be you right now.

You say I have changed, You say I don’t care any more, you say am more than cold and indifferent when it comes to you and that you wish I could go back to the way I was. But I don’t want to be a fool…never again.

You made me this way. I was so optimistic about everything, I loved and I gave love but you made me build this walls to guard my heart, you made me wary of everyone even the ones with good intentions, you made me shy away back to my cocoon, you condemned me to a lifetime of picking up the little pieces that you tumbled on each time you broke my heart to oblivion. It will never be perfect but I will painfully mend my broken heart, I will tirelessly pick up the pieces and smile even though it hurts so freaking bad…I will smile because as much as you broke me, it sure sucks to be youimagesg

SSSSSSSMOKING

When I was a little girl, growing up in the beautiful planes of Kenya. They  do say home is where the heart is and even as I am miles away Kenya will always be a home to me and right now I miss its sunshine and the food – am salivating just by the thought of it. Anyway I went to school in a fishy named institution and every Friday we would have these inspirational talks to help us make better decisions according to them. The topics would range from sex education, drug abuse, how to carry yourself as a lady, manners and so on. One talk that I will never forget is on SMOKING.

It is not that the speaker made an impeccable speech or anything, actually it is quite the opposite. He wasn’t eloquent by a long shot. He had trouble pronouncing almost each and very word owing to his mother tongue effect and boy did we find that amusing. We would laugh so heartily- beauty  and perks of being young and care free. He had this weird mix and match suit that was always too wrinkled, his trousers never touched his ankles, he always wore socks that were of different colours and one was always longer than the other. His hair was always combed backwards but you could clearly see the struggle he had gone through to make that possible.

In his hands he always carried a poster, smoking-logothis poster.

Well, I don’t know about you but this just did it for me. Every time I thought of smoking, this picture would literally pop into my mind and just as fast as I had picked the cigarette I would drop it and practically close my eyes willing the picture of that mutilated being to go away. You can imagine me, wrapped like a ball in a corner, eyes closed “go away, please go away”, I would earnestly  beg.

Maybe that scruffy man did me a favour or maybe I should sue him for the torment this picture has been putting me trough all these years. A friend of mine called Mike told me that smoking makes one look sexy and that a woman holding a cigarette looks feisty…now who wouldn’t want to send all those signals to the one they like and even passer – bys just because they can?

I know I would but Mike,  we will never find out because that picture, that picture is like my sponsor haha.

VALENTINES DAY

The day just didn’t seem right

I felt lonely and alone

I looked at the flowers I had bought for you

And a smile escaped my lips

 

I had it all planned

A nice quiet lunch reservation

Some wine and a lovely late night walk

But I guess I missed a spot

betrayal

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The clock ticked seconds into minutes

Minutes to hours

And still no word from you

The beautiful red petals started withering

The reservation cancelled due to demand

The mouth watering white chocolate

Melted due to the high temperatures

 

Dressed to kill as they say

In a short red dress with stilettos

And my hair down because you like it that way

I looked forward to seeing you

 

I got worried wondering where you could be

I wanted to try at the police station but that’s too dramatic

Or at the mortuary but that’s too pessimistic

I ran helter skelter my heart thumping with fear

 

I prayed for as long as I can remember

Begging God to spare your life

Even long enough for me to tell you how much I loved you

True life isn’t fair

But surely heaven could wait just one more night

 

As I ran towards your house

I focused on the good times we had

And the thought of being in your arms pushed me on

I opened the door and headed straight for the bedroom

And there you were in another woman’s arms.