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SHE RAN

She sat there
Cross legged
With nothing but his shirt on
The sleeves folded as they were way too big for her
A few front buttons undone
her hair held up in a clumsy bun
and a cup of fresh sweet smelling coffee
that he had just made for her

She sat there
Lost in thought
Wondering why he had to be so handsome
Why he had to be so nice and so irresistible
Sooner or later she knew whatever this was had to be stopped
She knew better than to fall too hard
Once bitten twice shy

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Love was a luxury she couldn’t afford
So she did what she did best
She ran…
She ran so fast she could feel the wind drying her tears
She could hear him running after her
Shouting, pleading with her to stop
But the more he cried out for her
The faster she ran so she could drown his voice

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She didn’t dare look back
She knew she couldn’t bear the look on his face
He had talked about the future many a times
He had everything figured out
From where they would grow old together
to names of the beautiful kids they would raise
But he had forgotten one bit of the puzzle

 

He had forgotten
that people like her didn’t know how to love
People like her didn’t know how to settle down
People like her were too broken to let anyone in
People like her didn’t believe in fairy tales
Happy ever afters always led to heartbreaks
and sadly she couldn’t survive through one more

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BREAK ME

Whenever a memory of you crosses my mind

Normally I just close my eyes really tight and push you to the back of my head

And When I can still hear you voice echoing somewhere in my head

Normally I just turn the volume up and drown it

but tonight nothing seems to work

as I have been seeing you in almost everything around me

and the songs in the radio just keep reminding me of the times we had

and so I buried my head in the pillow with tears but that made it worse

because it was your side of the bed and the pillow still smelled of you

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I reached for my phone

Maybe to call my best friend and pour my heart to her

Maybe to call you with hope that you still cared

and then I saw all the pictures and videos

You looked so perfect…we looked so happy

 

 

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There was a time I cherished these memories

But I do not want them anymore

I can’t take the pain they cause me everyday

I am all out of strength to fight you

and I can’t put up a fight anymore

So if you want to tear me apart – go ahead

If you want to crash me over and over – by all means please do

You will be doing me a favour

Because this pain gets worse with every passing second

and no amount of morphine seems to help

so please save me…break me

Break me even more

NEEDED YOU TO BE MEAN

I just needed to hear you say it

I needed to hear you say

how you didn’t need me anymore

I needed to hear you say

that you have far more important things to deal with than me

I needed to hear you say

how you couldn’t be bothered to try harder anymore

I needed to hear you say

how much you thought i demanded for more than you could offer

I just needed to hear you say how i got it bad
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I really needed you to be mean to me

so I could walk away without a doubt

I needed you to crash any glimpse of hope I had

so I could get it through my thick head

that it was over or it was never meant to be

I needed to hear you say how you thought

I will never be good enough in a million years

I needed you to make me feel ugly and unworthy

so I could bury my face in my hands and cry a river

 

 

 

I really needed to feel excruciating pain

as my heart broke into tiny million pieces

I only wanted you to make it clear to me

that you will always choose her or something else over me

I wanted you to call me clingy and needy

so I could be forced to let go

I wanted you to make me feel like a means to an end

nothing more than just your play thing

I wanted you to tell me how everything was in my head

and that I should com back to reality

I only wanted you to cut me open

and let me bleed out slowly…painfully

 

 

 

 

Don’t get me wrong

I never enjoyed any of it

In truth, every mean word you uttered crippled me

your meanness tore my soul apart

but your cruelty helped me

It helped me pack my bags and walk away

IT HELPED ME WALK AWAY WITHOUT LOOKING BACK

HELP ME FORGET

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I don’t know who you are

But it doesn’t really matter

I don’t know where you are going

But I really don’t care

As long as you take me away

Far, FAR away from here

While you are at it

Please don’t make any pit stops

Till we are far away

As I don’t want to think of any memories I made in this town

I just need you to make it stop

Please, please, please make it stop

I have no idea how much longer I can hold on

The pain is too much I cannot withstand it

It hurts so bad that it forces me to my knees

If I could, I would pull this heart right out

Because It not only hurts so much

But it also hurts with every breathe I take

And if you can’t make it stop

At least help me forget

DROWNING

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For how long are we going to play this heartbreaking game?

I cannot keep the door open any longer

In the hope that you will come back sooner than later.

I cannot suffer any more because of you

While you claim to be trying to finding yourself

in Ann, Eve, Chantelle, Angie and Faith or is it Flora.

For how long will this stupid thing beat for you?

I try to keep it distracted with pain

So it can be too pre – occupied for you

Therefore I perform self – distracting activities

And when that doesn’t work

I embrace my dearest friends alcohol and drugs

Who dutifully make me numb

Numb is good, numb is bliss

But numb wears off and I am overwhelmed

As all the emotions I had tried to evade

Come rushing down like a broken water well

And right there and then

I’m drowned

IN HER SHADOWS

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Do you see her when you look at me?

Do you wish it were her arms around you when I hold you?

Do you hate my voice and wish you had a mute button

Or that it were hers you hear instead of mine?

Do you close your eyes and wish she were next to you

every time you turn and it is just me laying beside you?

 

When we go out, do you relive your dates with her?

Is your favourite restaurant actually hers

and that you only take me there wishing you will bump into her?

Or do we sit at her favourite table by the window 

and you spend the whole night remembering the times she were there?

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Do you tell me jokes you used to tell her

and when I don’t laugh like she used to, do you get sad?

Do you call me names you used to call her

and silently moan her name when we make love?

Do you wish I were good a kisser like her

and that I would touch you in ways that only she did?

 

Do you like my hair straight

Or did you tell me to do it like so because it’s how she liked hers?

Do you not introduce me to your friends

because I’m not as worthy as her?

Do you wish she would take you back?

 

It should be me putting that sexy smile on your beautiful face

It should be me you think of me when you are lonesome

It should be me who drives you crazy because I give you good loving

It should be me you look at and see a future

It should be me as…as it sucks to always be in her shadows