Tag Archive | FOR HIM

Love’s journey

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She met him at a time in her life when she was feeling lost, when every turn she took led her to a world of more misery and more pain and all she wanted, all she hoped for was an abrupt end to it all. She would wander in the town after work, pitch black and cold to the bone looking for a sign or perhaps someone or something to make it all better.

She would look at the happy faces, clutching onto each other, looking into each other’s eyes with fascination, giving themselves over wholly while laughing like children during Christmas and she would weep. She would weep for the love she had given but never truly received, she would weep for the wishes lost on wishing stars and Santa, she would weep for the sickening emptiness that dragged her feet along every day, she would weep for her naive trusting self and the many broken pieces that were once a heart.

Solitude was her best friend; it afforded her the comfort of not allowing anyone to betray her. Music was the bridge across the walls she had built but heartbreaking ballads and sonnets ensured that she never walked across it, that and pouring her sadness into scribbling verse after verse of poetry nearly as dark as Edgar Allan Poe.

Routine kept her sane and she stayed clear of anything that elicited any other emotion other than melancholy and so it surprised her when she started looking forward to the visits of the sexy Spanish man in a black scarf at the cafe. Every time the bell rang after 4pm she would quickly glance at the door hoping to see him walk in. He would run his hand through his beautiful hair while flashing his perfect teeth in a smile that warmed her heart then proceed like a thoroughbred stallion towards his friends. In her eyes he was simply magnificent.

She wasn’t a beauty queen, hell she wasn’t anything special and so it surprised her when two years down the line he still looked at her, eyes full of fascination. She didn’t have much to offer but he wasn’t just looking to take but to give too and this helped her blossom. She was lost when she met him but he ensured that she remembered how wonderful it felt to be truly, deeply, madly loved.

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Is it real?

What makes one love story different from another? How does one know when they find ‘the one’? How does one distinguish between being in love with someone with being in love with the idea of that someone? How can you tell if it’s true love? What the heck is true love anyway and is there such thing as ‘the one’?  Sadly if you are struggling with these questions, I can’t be of any help as I am not smart or stupid enough to pretend to be but if you are fortunate enough to find some answers kindly do a sister a favour and enlighten me.

I have been in love before but none of it ever felt right. I either had to work hard in the relationship, the love was unrequited, had to pretend to be what I am not so as to be liked or not to lose the other person, forgive cheating and lying partners because I did not want or didn’t know how to be alone, staying in a clearly abusive relationship because of fear of starting over or being the topic of gossip but worst of it was feeling like I didn’t deserve better. As fate would have it, against all odds I have been lucky enough to know how it feels to be truly loved by someone else other than mother dearest. Every time he tells me I am beautiful, I look around to see if there are cameras so I can confirm that it’s a prank and sometimes I even ask him if someone i.e my mother is paying him to say all those wonderful things that he mutters to me. I love the way he looks at me, his eyes shine and he smiles like he just won the lottery. You are my princess he says and loving you is an honour! See what I mean? Who says such things unless they are secretly trying to kidnap you for ransom or feed you to their snake pet and watch you scream? Luckily for me he has no pets (I double checked) and I am only rich in optimism so it’s not for ransom lol.

When I met him, I never imagined I will be writing anything other than ‘love is dead and it’s a sham’ about him at 5 in the morning but I am grateful that in some weird cosmic way our paths collided. I have always been a lone ranger but the other day I was a little stressed and when he called, no matter how much I tried to hide it, he could tell that I wasn’t okay. After endless attempts to deflect I gave in and poured my heart out. I was impressed at how good it felt to talk to him about my worries but the best part was when he told me not to fret because we will figure a way out. He didn’t give me the classics, ‘you will be fine, everything will be okay, how can I help’ etc but the fact that he saw my problem as our problem made me realise this is what Shakespeare, Lionel Richie, Whitney Houston and all the ballads you think about when you think about love were all about.

When he is sad and I am away, we talk about it but when I am with him, just hold me tight he says everything gets better when you embrace me. To know that someone sees you as their refuge, that to them you represent what home and that just the thought of you makes them smile for all the right and wrong reasons is truly a touch of heaven. If this isn’t what love is, then I don’t know. I may also not know what tomorrow holds but one thing is for certain, one lifetime is not enough to bask in the joy that he brings into my life but I will spend every second of it loving this wonderful man who sees my true colours and my flaws and still says, beautiful.

So how do you know when you find the one or if it’s true love? Well I think you just know.

MI CORAZON

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MI CORAZON

Putting words on paper

Has always been second nature

But with you and a future

So strong, true not obscure

To lose is despair.

 

I want to profess

You and I, perfect mess

You treat me like a princess

But expect less

And for that I obsess.

 

I am but a plain Jane

With a heart tearstained

But with every beat

To you to be true

Never to make you blue.

 

In your arms, I am safe

In your thoughts, I reside

In your heart, I am home

In your actions, I reflect

By your side, I reign.

 

BETTER PLACE

I guess this is the part that I should cry out loud,

The part that I hold onto my broken heart

while I stumble and tumble

Trying to find me,

Trying to find my way home

but end up calling you,

Begging you to please –

Please love me like you used to

Just a little bit more

I guess, I am not that weak anymore

Don’t judge me,

I know you know

We all know how it feels when we lose,

But we also know we have to choose

Whether to embrace the gloom

To live in a vacuum

Of our own making,

Or to assume

Our own happiness

Away from bleakness.

When you left,

I tortured myself with thoughts of you and I

I relived all the good times gone by

and bad times depending on how drunk I was

But I know as I was out there getting cold

You were buiding your life with someone unforetold

I could picture the two of you sitting in front of the fireplace

with flowers in the vase

that I bought you

Telling her jokes that I told you

While making promises to him

Promises that you still owe me

But that was then

I guess we were never meant to be

And if I am honest

I guess I am in a better place

SHE RAN

She sat there
Cross legged
With nothing but his shirt on
The sleeves folded as they were way too big for her
A few front buttons undone
her hair held up in a clumsy bun
and a cup of fresh sweet smelling coffee
that he had just made for her

She sat there
Lost in thought
Wondering why he had to be so handsome
Why he had to be so nice and so irresistible
Sooner or later she knew whatever this was had to be stopped
She knew better than to fall too hard
Once bitten twice shy

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Love was a luxury she couldn’t afford
So she did what she did best
She ran…
She ran so fast she could feel the wind drying her tears
She could hear him running after her
Shouting, pleading with her to stop
But the more he cried out for her
The faster she ran so she could drown his voice

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She didn’t dare look back
She knew she couldn’t bear the look on his face
He had talked about the future many a times
He had everything figured out
From where they would grow old together
to names of the beautiful kids they would raise
But he had forgotten one bit of the puzzle

 

He had forgotten
that people like her didn’t know how to love
People like her didn’t know how to settle down
People like her were too broken to let anyone in
People like her didn’t believe in fairy tales
Happy ever afters always led to heartbreaks
and sadly she couldn’t survive through one more

IT’S ALWAYS WITH YOU

“Let it be real…let it be real…please let him be real”

I remember saying those words with my eyes tightly shut

My hands clasped together till they hurt

and my heart beating like a race

then I saw your perfectly radiant face

with a smirk that made my heart swell

and a face that assured me that everything will be well

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Still baffles me how we got along like two old souls

dancing away in the darkest moonlight like owls

With nothing to worry about but that precise moment, in which we were all that mattered

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I am not certain of what will become of you and I

But when we lie down and I can hear and feel your heart beat against mine

together in sync like beats to a song that only you and I know

In that moment, that elusive moment I am certain that You..you are all I need

 

When I look at you I see possibities

Even though I have no expectations

Even though I will never be what you lost as I can never be her

I do not plan on making you pay for past mistakes either

For I want to experience the story of you and I

One step at a time

Because when I picture myself happy..it is always with you