Tag Archive | IT HURTS

Love’s journey

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She met him at a time in her life when she was feeling lost, when every turn she took led her to a world of more misery and more pain and all she wanted, all she hoped for was an abrupt end to it all. She would wander in the town after work, pitch black and cold to the bone looking for a sign or perhaps someone or something to make it all better.

She would look at the happy faces, clutching onto each other, looking into each other’s eyes with fascination, giving themselves over wholly while laughing like children during Christmas and she would weep. She would weep for the love she had given but never truly received, she would weep for the wishes lost on wishing stars and Santa, she would weep for the sickening emptiness that dragged her feet along every day, she would weep for her naive trusting self and the many broken pieces that were once a heart.

Solitude was her best friend; it afforded her the comfort of not allowing anyone to betray her. Music was the bridge across the walls she had built but heartbreaking ballads and sonnets ensured that she never walked across it, that and pouring her sadness into scribbling verse after verse of poetry nearly as dark as Edgar Allan Poe.

Routine kept her sane and she stayed clear of anything that elicited any other emotion other than melancholy and so it surprised her when she started looking forward to the visits of the sexy Spanish man in a black scarf at the cafe. Every time the bell rang after 4pm she would quickly glance at the door hoping to see him walk in. He would run his hand through his beautiful hair while flashing his perfect teeth in a smile that warmed her heart then proceed like a thoroughbred stallion towards his friends. In her eyes he was simply magnificent.

She wasn’t a beauty queen, hell she wasn’t anything special and so it surprised her when two years down the line he still looked at her, eyes full of fascination. She didn’t have much to offer but he wasn’t just looking to take but to give too and this helped her blossom. She was lost when she met him but he ensured that she remembered how wonderful it felt to be truly, deeply, madly loved.

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BETTER PLACE

I guess this is the part that I should cry out loud,

The part that I hold onto my broken heart

while I stumble and tumble

Trying to find me,

Trying to find my way home

but end up calling you,

Begging you to please –

Please love me like you used to

Just a little bit more

I guess, I am not that weak anymore

Don’t judge me,

I know you know

We all know how it feels when we lose,

But we also know we have to choose

Whether to embrace the gloom

To live in a vacuum

Of our own making,

Or to assume

Our own happiness

Away from bleakness.

When you left,

I tortured myself with thoughts of you and I

I relived all the good times gone by

and bad times depending on how drunk I was

But I know as I was out there getting cold

You were buiding your life with someone unforetold

I could picture the two of you sitting in front of the fireplace

with flowers in the vase

that I bought you

Telling her jokes that I told you

While making promises to him

Promises that you still owe me

But that was then

I guess we were never meant to be

And if I am honest

I guess I am in a better place

BREAK ME

Whenever a memory of you crosses my mind

Normally I just close my eyes really tight and push you to the back of my head

And When I can still hear you voice echoing somewhere in my head

Normally I just turn the volume up and drown it

but tonight nothing seems to work

as I have been seeing you in almost everything around me

and the songs in the radio just keep reminding me of the times we had

and so I buried my head in the pillow with tears but that made it worse

because it was your side of the bed and the pillow still smelled of you

Broken-Heart-41

I reached for my phone

Maybe to call my best friend and pour my heart to her

Maybe to call you with hope that you still cared

and then I saw all the pictures and videos

You looked so perfect…we looked so happy

 

 

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There was a time I cherished these memories

But I do not want them anymore

I can’t take the pain they cause me everyday

I am all out of strength to fight you

and I can’t put up a fight anymore

So if you want to tear me apart – go ahead

If you want to crash me over and over – by all means please do

You will be doing me a favour

Because this pain gets worse with every passing second

and no amount of morphine seems to help

so please save me…break me

Break me even more

MY WEAKNESS

It’s frustrating the effect you have on me

Why do you make me feel so lost

Even when I know where am heading to

Why do you make me feel so confused

Even though I know what I am supposed to do

You make me feel like screaming till am hoarse

but at the same time long to whisper sweet words to you

weakness

It’s annoying how you make me needy

Why do you make me want you so bad

Even though I know we are bad for each other

Why do you make me crave for your touch

Oh just the thought of your soft hands all over me is tormenting

and your kisses…

I’ll be damned if your sensuous lips didn’t drive me crazy

 

 

 

You are the best craziest thing that has ever happened to me

You might not be perfect but you are more than amazing

You are different and absolutely stunning

And it might take you forever to know these things

But you..you my dear are my weakness

 

NEEDED YOU TO BE MEAN

I just needed to hear you say it

I needed to hear you say

how you didn’t need me anymore

I needed to hear you say

that you have far more important things to deal with than me

I needed to hear you say

how you couldn’t be bothered to try harder anymore

I needed to hear you say

how much you thought i demanded for more than you could offer

I just needed to hear you say how i got it bad
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I really needed you to be mean to me

so I could walk away without a doubt

I needed you to crash any glimpse of hope I had

so I could get it through my thick head

that it was over or it was never meant to be

I needed to hear you say how you thought

I will never be good enough in a million years

I needed you to make me feel ugly and unworthy

so I could bury my face in my hands and cry a river

 

 

 

I really needed to feel excruciating pain

as my heart broke into tiny million pieces

I only wanted you to make it clear to me

that you will always choose her or something else over me

I wanted you to call me clingy and needy

so I could be forced to let go

I wanted you to make me feel like a means to an end

nothing more than just your play thing

I wanted you to tell me how everything was in my head

and that I should com back to reality

I only wanted you to cut me open

and let me bleed out slowly…painfully

 

 

 

 

Don’t get me wrong

I never enjoyed any of it

In truth, every mean word you uttered crippled me

your meanness tore my soul apart

but your cruelty helped me

It helped me pack my bags and walk away

IT HELPED ME WALK AWAY WITHOUT LOOKING BACK