Tag Archive | relationships

Is it real?

What makes one love story different from another? How does one know when they find ‘the one’? How does one distinguish between being in love with someone with being in love with the idea of that someone? How can you tell if it’s true love? What the heck is true love anyway and is there such thing as ‘the one’?  Sadly if you are struggling with these questions, I can’t be of any help as I am not smart or stupid enough to pretend to be but if you are fortunate enough to find some answers kindly do a sister a favour and enlighten me.

I have been in love before but none of it ever felt right. I either had to work hard in the relationship, the love was unrequited, had to pretend to be what I am not so as to be liked or not to lose the other person, forgive cheating and lying partners because I did not want or didn’t know how to be alone, staying in a clearly abusive relationship because of fear of starting over or being the topic of gossip but worst of it was feeling like I didn’t deserve better. As fate would have it, against all odds I have been lucky enough to know how it feels to be truly loved by someone else other than mother dearest. Every time he tells me I am beautiful, I look around to see if there are cameras so I can confirm that it’s a prank and sometimes I even ask him if someone i.e my mother is paying him to say all those wonderful things that he mutters to me. I love the way he looks at me, his eyes shine and he smiles like he just won the lottery. You are my princess he says and loving you is an honour! See what I mean? Who says such things unless they are secretly trying to kidnap you for ransom or feed you to their snake pet and watch you scream? Luckily for me he has no pets (I double checked) and I am only rich in optimism so it’s not for ransom lol.

When I met him, I never imagined I will be writing anything other than ‘love is dead and it’s a sham’ about him at 5 in the morning but I am grateful that in some weird cosmic way our paths collided. I have always been a lone ranger but the other day I was a little stressed and when he called, no matter how much I tried to hide it, he could tell that I wasn’t okay. After endless attempts to deflect I gave in and poured my heart out. I was impressed at how good it felt to talk to him about my worries but the best part was when he told me not to fret because we will figure a way out. He didn’t give me the classics, ‘you will be fine, everything will be okay, how can I help’ etc but the fact that he saw my problem as our problem made me realise this is what Shakespeare, Lionel Richie, Whitney Houston and all the ballads you think about when you think about love were all about.

When he is sad and I am away, we talk about it but when I am with him, just hold me tight he says everything gets better when you embrace me. To know that someone sees you as their refuge, that to them you represent what home and that just the thought of you makes them smile for all the right and wrong reasons is truly a touch of heaven. If this isn’t what love is, then I don’t know. I may also not know what tomorrow holds but one thing is for certain, one lifetime is not enough to bask in the joy that he brings into my life but I will spend every second of it loving this wonderful man who sees my true colours and my flaws and still says, beautiful.

So how do you know when you find the one or if it’s true love? Well I think you just know.

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MI CORAZON

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MI CORAZON

Putting words on paper

Has always been second nature

But with you and a future

So strong, true not obscure

To lose is despair.

 

I want to profess

You and I, perfect mess

You treat me like a princess

But expect less

And for that I obsess.

 

I am but a plain Jane

With a heart tearstained

But with every beat

To you to be true

Never to make you blue.

 

In your arms, I am safe

In your thoughts, I reside

In your heart, I am home

In your actions, I reflect

By your side, I reign.

 

PERHAPS

When you hurt people who love you
More often than not you try and justify it.
You rarely take a moment
to imagine the pain they are going through
But when people hurt you
You make them the monsters
and torture yourself
While trying to look for answers as to why
and how they could betray you so

 

Forgetting the box full of broken hearts
Broken dreams, unfulfilled promises
False hope..
The box full of memories that you try so hard to hide

 

I never intended for your beautiful heart to end up in that box
Whenever I was with you, you made me feel whole
Walking away was not as easy as it might have seem
I cried myself to sleep every night
As the void was so painful and I wasn’t strong enough
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Sometimes I hear your voice
and I can swear on seeing you in the corner of my eye
For a moment I remember what we could have been, what we should have been
Before I tore your heart out and walked away
Sometimes I ask myself why I did it
Why I foolishly chose to lose out on such a great love
Perhaps it was my pride

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Perhaps it was the fear of loving someone so intensely it scared me
Perhaps it was how you filled my thoughts all the time
Perhaps it was the fear of losing myself in you
Perhaps you made me feel vulnerable
Perhaps it was the fear of losing self control
I am sorry for the pain I caused you
I am sorry for breaking you
I am sorry for breaking us

ETERNITY

I have no idea why of all the girls that you could possibly have

Why you chose me

You say you see the beauty in me

A beauty that surpasses my physique

A beauty that entices both your intellect and body

and that my eyes show you a future

A future you’d do anything to be part of

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To you I am the poem and not the poet

and with no doubt that is a priceless feeling

A feeling that puts a smile on my lips

You love it when I smile

Makes everything feel warmer and brighter you say

A feeling that makes it worthwhile to face life’s trials

Because I know you are there to make it all better

A feeling that makes my insides burn with passion

A passion that can only be quenched by you

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I remember when all I could think of was pain

A pain that always cut right through me

Deep enough to make my heart bleed

But never deep enough to put me out of my misery

A pain that tore me everyday like it was on a timer

A pain that grew to be part of me

A part of me that died because of all the numbness

But you, you make me feel alive again

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I can’t promise you a lifetime

I have come to know too well that forever never lasts

And so I can promise to love you with all that I am

For as long as life permits me

A love so strong because you deserve that and more

A love that will hopefully thrive

and when the time comes

A love that will hold our little family together

A love that will bind us for eternity

BREAK ME

Whenever a memory of you crosses my mind

Normally I just close my eyes really tight and push you to the back of my head

And When I can still hear you voice echoing somewhere in my head

Normally I just turn the volume up and drown it

but tonight nothing seems to work

as I have been seeing you in almost everything around me

and the songs in the radio just keep reminding me of the times we had

and so I buried my head in the pillow with tears but that made it worse

because it was your side of the bed and the pillow still smelled of you

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I reached for my phone

Maybe to call my best friend and pour my heart to her

Maybe to call you with hope that you still cared

and then I saw all the pictures and videos

You looked so perfect…we looked so happy

 

 

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There was a time I cherished these memories

But I do not want them anymore

I can’t take the pain they cause me everyday

I am all out of strength to fight you

and I can’t put up a fight anymore

So if you want to tear me apart – go ahead

If you want to crash me over and over – by all means please do

You will be doing me a favour

Because this pain gets worse with every passing second

and no amount of morphine seems to help

so please save me…break me

Break me even more

NEEDED YOU TO BE MEAN

I just needed to hear you say it

I needed to hear you say

how you didn’t need me anymore

I needed to hear you say

that you have far more important things to deal with than me

I needed to hear you say

how you couldn’t be bothered to try harder anymore

I needed to hear you say

how much you thought i demanded for more than you could offer

I just needed to hear you say how i got it bad
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I really needed you to be mean to me

so I could walk away without a doubt

I needed you to crash any glimpse of hope I had

so I could get it through my thick head

that it was over or it was never meant to be

I needed to hear you say how you thought

I will never be good enough in a million years

I needed you to make me feel ugly and unworthy

so I could bury my face in my hands and cry a river

 

 

 

I really needed to feel excruciating pain

as my heart broke into tiny million pieces

I only wanted you to make it clear to me

that you will always choose her or something else over me

I wanted you to call me clingy and needy

so I could be forced to let go

I wanted you to make me feel like a means to an end

nothing more than just your play thing

I wanted you to tell me how everything was in my head

and that I should com back to reality

I only wanted you to cut me open

and let me bleed out slowly…painfully

 

 

 

 

Don’t get me wrong

I never enjoyed any of it

In truth, every mean word you uttered crippled me

your meanness tore my soul apart

but your cruelty helped me

It helped me pack my bags and walk away

IT HELPED ME WALK AWAY WITHOUT LOOKING BACK

TO LOVE A WOMAN

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Have you ever loved a woman…

Have you ever loved a woman till nothing else matters

Have you ever loved a woman

who makes your world look so beautiful

till sadness becomes a thing of the past

Have you ever loved a woman whose smile brightens every corner

You can’t help but shed a tear of joy every time you think of her

 

 

 

The pain you feel when you are fighting threatens to break you

The joy you feel when you see her makes you think you can fly

The emptiness you feel when she is away is lonesome

The desire you feel when you think of her is out of this world

The need you get to protect her comes naturally

The want you feel to take care of her every need she has is insurmountable

The feeling you get when she is in your arms is indescribable

 

 

 

You talk about her all the time as you can’t help it

You wish she were next to you every moment

You call out her name even when she isn’t around

You sigh when you can smell her on you

You reach out to her in bed even though she isn’t there

You dream of a better future because you know she will be in it

Because that’s how it feels to love a woman